Edward's Darkest Secret
by Bledward
Summary: You will never believe what Edward's darkest secret is... read to find out Crappy summary, but hey, who cares. BxE


**Authors Note: This was a story that a me and a friend of mine from the Twilight IMDb boards (Known as Bee) wrote together. It is meant entirely as a joke, and is definitely NOT MEANT to be taken seriously. **

**DISCLAIMER: The characters in this story are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer... I just make them do strange things, thats all :D**

**Enjoy! (Reviews would make my life!)**

It was yet another blissfully dreary day in the little, green town of Forks, Washington. The sky was an overcast gray, a light rain drizzled down upon the ground, making the grass wet and slippery. A young girl with dark, waist-length hair could be found in her tiny room in the tiny house she shared with her not-so-tiny father, Chief of police, Charlie Swan. While the girl--called Bella--used to abhor rainy days such as this one, she now relished in them. Because rainy days meant that she could spend more time with her vampiric fiance, the astoundingly gorgeous Edward Cullen. She had wanted to go to their "secret spot"--a meadow somewhere in the endless woods of Forks--but Edward, being incredibly overprotective, negated the idea on the grounds that he did not want his Bella to get sick just a few weeks before their wedding. So, naturally, instead of being amorous at the meadow, they were amorous in Bella's bedroom, happily making out like fiends because Charlie was at work.

Whilst they were undergoing their tongue-swapping session, Bella, as always, took it too far. Knowing that Edward has some unspoken love for her feet, she slowly took off her fuzzy neon green elephant slippers and began to stroke Edward's calf with her feet. Edward's breath caught in his throat and he pulled his head away.

"Bella," he said breathlessly, "what are you doing?"

Bella giggled and began stroking higher up Edward's leg. "Oh, nothing," she said seductively, "my feet were feeling warm, and I wanted to cool them down."

Edward groaned. "Bella, you're going to be the death of me." He said.

"I know," Bella giggled, and began stroking even higher. Eventually, she was in a very awkward position, with her feet on each side of Edward's cheeks. It was then that she took a good look at her feet and realized that she had not washed them after P.E. class earlier that day. Toe jam seeped out in thick, gooey chunks from between her toes.

Bella cringed and bit her lip, feeling the familiar sensation of her crimson (and annoyingly potent) blood rushing to her cheeks. She really hoped her fiance hadn't noticed her, er, lack of toe-hygeine. As Bella was about to rise to quickly wash her feet in the bathroom, she heard a rather curious sound; it actually resembled a low growl. She knew, of the two of them, that only her vampire could emit such a sound, so she turned around, a question in her brown eyes.

"Edward?" she asked in a soft voice, feeling concerned at the questionable look on his face. It was an unfamiliar one to her, and she wondered what it meant.

Edwards POV

_The smell… _that was Edward's only coherent thought. The smell radiating from Bella's feet was like nothing he'd ever smelled before. It smelled, of course, like her blood, but with an undercurrent of cheese, herbs, and spices. It reminded Edward of his biological mother's feta cheese rolls, back in the 1900's. But not only that, it triggered a strange feeling near the vicinity of his zipper. Edward could not suppress the feeling within him. There was a faint growling noise in the background, which he belatedly realized was coming from his own throat. Bella looked at him with bewildered eyes.

"Edward?", she asked softly, her cheeks tinted pink. "W-what's the matter?"

A noise that sounded suspiciously like a purr erupted from Edward's chest, and, if he had been at all coherent, he would've silently cursed himself. As it was, though, his mind--and other particular areas--was on other things. Specifically, it was on Bella's feet...her beautiful, pale ivory feet...and what lie between her delicate toes. He'd never seen, nor smelled, anything so esquisite.

"Bella," he moaned, coming toward her like a great cat. "Your feet..."

Bella's POV

Bella could feel her blush intensifying. Damn it, he had seen her disgusting feet! She was so humiliated, she could barely think straight. What Edward must think of her now...

But, when she came back to herself, she realized that the look on Edward's face was anything but disgusted. In fact, he looked, excited.

"Um, Edward," she began hesitantly, "are you okay?"

"Bella…," he moaned. "you have no idea what you do to me. What on earth is that on your feet?"

Bella's mortification grew to an excruciating level. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry Edward! I'm disgusting! I should have washed my feet after I left P.E… they were so sweaty and disgusting! I'm so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stu---"

"—Shhhh, Bella, Bella" Edward interrupted her in a soothing voice. "How can someone as beautiful as yourself be disgusting? You're anything but!"

Bella stared at him with a confused look on her face. "B-but Edward," she stuttered, "M-my feet!"

Edward gazed at her with a loving expression, but deep within his eyes, a fire was blazing. "No, Bella," he whispered, "I was caught off guard by your feet, yes." Bella's blush increased. "But that was only because of the smell… I've never smelled anything so exquisite before in my life!" He exclaimed, a dazed expression on his face. Abruptly he turned his head to face her again, the sunlight reflecting off his luscious hair, making him look like a shampoo model. "Bella," he said passionately. "I must have you now!"

Bella's chocolate eyes widened to twice their original size, and the heat rushed to her cheeks and neck once again. Was it possible? Did Edward really...find her unsightly toe jam...attractive? She looked up at his eager and dazed, but hauntingly beautiful, face languidly.

"But--But Edward!" she sputtered, feeling, yet again, at a loss for words in the presence of her striking fiance. Although it was for an entirely different reason this time. "We vowed to wait for our wedding night! Remember? In the meadow?!"

Edward shook his head, and what little sun seeped in through the window curtains caught in his auburn hair and made it shine and glint. For a moment, Bella was transfixed, but she shook herself out of it, realizing that this was not the time to be dazed over her fiance. Again.

"But Bella, darling!" Edward exclaimed, rushing forward to take her warm hands in his cool ones. "I can't hold back any longer! Your beauty positively bewitches me! And now, with, with your toes..." He trailed off, gazing down at her still naked feet, and an aroused growl emenated from his chest. Bella flushed yet again. "I simply cannot hold back any longer! Bella, please! Be mine tonight!"

Bella gazed into his face, into those passionate eyes, and glanced down at her toes. 'Bella!,' she thought to herself, 'You've wanted this for such a long time! Now you have the chance! Who cares that the reason why he wants to do the Naughty Nancy with you is…unconventional, to say the least. You've been wanting this for so long!"

Bella finally made up her mind and gazed into Edward's lusty eyes. "Yes." She said simply.

Edward growled low in his throat and picked her up. He walked over to the bed and threw her rather roughly on it. 'This is it!' she squeed to herself, 'we're finally going to do the Hippity-Dippity!'

In one smooth fluid motion, Edward tore off all his clothing. He stood at the foot of the bed in nothing but his tighty-whiteys, looking like Michelangelo's David. Bella's breath hitched in her throat and the sight, and gazed up to his face. With a jolt, she realized that Edward wasn't looking into her eyes like how she was expecting. Rather, he was gazing hungrily… at her feet…

Edward's POV

Edward groaned again, feeling the tight sensation in his pants--one in which had become very familiar as of late--  
become even more intense. Of course, he loved Bella with every fiber of his being, always had, and he thought her the most beautiful creature to have ever walked the earth. Always. But tonight...Good lord, tonight, with her gorgeous feet, and what lay between her toes...that luscious scent coming off the skin of her feet. He HAD to have her. There was no other option. No turning back.

"Oh Bella, Bella," he moaned as he gazed at her stunning feet. "You are like a goddess. No, you ARE a goddess. My own personal Toe Goddess, sent to earth to drive me mad!" And he bent his head to kiss her beautiful feet.

'Oh Lord,' he thought as he worshipped his love's almighty toes. 'If Carlisle is right, and you do still love me, please save my soul.'

Edward carefully lifted one of Bella's feet, holding it as gently as he would a china doll, and brought it close to his face. He inhaled deeply and looked into Bella's eyes. She had a look of utter bewilderment on her face. Edward knew deep inside that he should take it easy on her, but the beast within him could not, would not be tamed! The longer he stood in the presence of Bella's lovely feet, the longer his JUTTING MANHOOD would become! Finally, he could not take it much longer, he opened his mouth, and began suckling on her toes.

The taste was amazing. Surely he could live off of this! He closed his eyes and devoured her delicious toe jam, groaning with pleasure. He never wanted to stop.

Bella's POV

A couple of hours later, Bella lay in her bed, naked, beside the love of her life and new lover. She couldn't believe that they had done it! Truly and completely, they were now one. She felt unabashedly blissful.

Edward was also unapologetically naked at her side, his incandescent chest glowing in all of its ethereal glory. He had a small, satisfied smirk on his perfect face, and his arms were behind his head, his hands cradling the back of his skull like a pillow. She smiled at him, and he returned the gesture.

At the end of her bed, her toes--now clean of all jam--were tingling. Edward had paid extra special attention to her feet. At first, naturally, she was embarrassed, especially since she hadn't washed after P.E. But Edward was absolutely enamored with her toes, it seemed, jam and all. She had to find out why.

"Edward?" she asked timidly, loathe to break the serenity of the moment.

"Yes, love?" he replied, turning to look at her.

She cleared her throat. She wasn't entirely sure how to ask this... "Why did you...uhm...pay such...attention to my feet?"

Edward sighed. "Honestly, Bella, I wasn't expecting my reaction to your toes either. But once I glimpsed them, they took my breath away. Metaphorically speaking, of course. But, if I were to hazzard a guess, I'd say it's because, being dead, I'm not able to make natural human substances like ear wax, tears, and yes, even toe jam. So I became smitten."

Bella cocked her eyebrow wearily. "You liked my toe jam?"

Edward smirked. "I told you I loved everything about your being human!"

Bella smiled widely and kissed him passionately but sweetly on his luscious lips. She loved her Edward, and he loved her. All of her. But she had thought, up until tonight, that she knew everything about her fiance. But it seems that the saying is true: You do learn new things everyday!

That morning, after Edward had left to go hunt with his brothers, Bella pulled out her old leather-bound journal and turned to a page in the middle. It was a list, the title being "Things to Know (And Love) About Edward Cullen". She grabbed a pen and wrote on the next clear line:

'Number 97: Edward has a toe jam fetish.'

Bella grinned and stared at her journal. Yes, her fiance had a toe jam fetish. And she loved it all the more for it.

THE END.

**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahaahhaahhhaaaaaa**


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